I wrote last week of the changes big and small that we are experiencing, one of which is the school where Josh is now headmaster and our kids all attend. In particular, we are now at a private Christian school, which should have a lot of similarities with the school we were previously a part of in China, but because of obvious differences in religious freedom in these two countries, the differences are actually quite stark.
My kids have been coming home with their observations and opinions about some of these differences, and it is both interesting to me, and causes me to think about all of this formation and education stuff yet again. Oh to be a parent who does not continually assess, wonder, doubt, exclaim over, appreciate, and cycle through all of these feelings about their children’s formation.
In the main, my kid’s response has been very positive. We pray a lot at this school, they say. But I like it. It’s good. It’s a reminder that in everything we can talk to God and look to Him in all areas. And it’s a reminder to pray together, in community. Not just on our own. Granted, they have been at this only a few weeks. The cynical part of me could say that growing up in an environment like this year after year can also breed an immunity to the reality of prayer; where it becomes a rote and meaningless exercise. But that is true of so many things. The practice of prayer isn’t the problem. Instead of rolling my eyes or worrying about an inevitable demise, I am seeing the beauty of faith expressed holistically in all areas of our life.
They also come home expressing genuine interest and appreciation for their Bible classes, where they are learning about church history, theology, and are having to memorize Scripture every week. The limitations of what we were able to teach in our previous setting over the past several years means that this level of learning is new to them. And I for one am appreciating the change. Instead of Josh and I inserting quick lessons on church history or a theological concept over dinner as questions come up in various conversations (meaning: no rhyme or reason or methodical approach to these discussions), there is a daily dive into Biblical content.
Plus, they are finding church history fascinating. Which makes my heart sing.
Neither Josh or I have ever seen our kid’s formal education at school as being the sole safeguard or detriment to their formation. He grew up in a Christian school, I went to a public school, we were both home-schooled for a few years at certain points, and we both went to a small Christian university and witnessed the range of ways a young person can respond to a spiritually formational setting. You can fake it, you can hate it, you can rebel against it, you can embrace it, you can slowly warm to it, you can soak it up like a sponge.
Why then, is it important? I have gone round and round this question. Formation matters: we are creatures who are formed by the liturgies of our lives, the way our bodies and minds and hearts walk through the routines of our days. If the history of Christianity teaches us something of this, it is seen first in the way the Jews were instructed to worship, and to live their daily feet-on-the-ground, hands-to-the-plow lives. The Law that was given to them did not just cover the right way to think theologically, it filtered down into the ways they treated their neighbor, their interaction with their physical environment, the practice of their bodily activities. Did this guarantee that all Jews were followers of Jehovah? It did not. But it was meant to form them.
I think about this struggle to make decisions about our kid’s education (and in truth, decisions about all areas of their life— including home life, sports life, church life, social life— which is why I like the word formation as it encapsulates more than just their intellect), and how there is no secret sauce, no magic formula that answers all of our hopes and fears. I can see, and am seeing, the benefits of a Christian school education. I can see, and have seen, the benefits of a robust homeschool education. I can see, and have experienced, the benefits of a public school education. And there are downsides and pitfalls to all of these as well. So the question of what is best is not easy, and perhaps isn’t even the right question.
I started watching the docu-series, Shiny Happy People this week, as I ironed Josh’s ever growing pile of work shirts (I am not ignorant of the irony in that statement). I didn’t grow up in a home that resembled anything like the IBLP families, although my parents were conservative Christians who modeled traditional roles and ethics in our home. Well, I guess my mom did sew a lot of our clothes at one point and we did have the big square collared dresses, but that felt more like 80’s-trying-to-be-a-good-mom culture stuff than following a pseudo-Christian teaching about how to raise a family.
The series’ deep dive into the IBLP teaching and culture was more interesting to me than anything else. It was hard not to be saddened about the effects the teaching has had on so many lives. But it was especially poignant to see and hear women tell their stories of what drew them to it in the first place. Coming out of difficult homes, or just wanting so badly to know how to do this whole raising kids thing right, and to see them lining up in droves for the conferences, soaking up the content, believing what was touted— that This Guy had figured out the formula. Follow these principles and you will protect your family, you will raise them right, and they will turn out okay.
Yet, the principles were not the gospel. The content, especially as it was fleshed out in specifics was extra-biblical. And the whole premise was a lie. There is no guarantee, there is no magic formula.
Certainly, there is wisdom to walk in; there are biblical principles to follow (and humbly, there are even in the orthodox Christian tradition, some variation in interpretations of these principles). And just as important, there is the work that God alone can do.
My husband will tell you that I am forever wondering if we are doing enough, and in fact doubting that we are. But part of my process as I see what God has called us to as His beloved children with the very real responsibility of raising beloved children, is realizing that the formation matters, and so does the work of God.
I am fully advocating for good, thoughtful, robustly academic and formational Christian education*.
And I am in no way expecting it to do the work.
*Also, if you know of any place that is doing all of the above, please let me know:)