If there is one thing I never thought I would become, it is a youth leader. Not cool enough, funny enough, energetic enough, relational enough…and the list goes on. At least in my mind, the qualities of the kind of person it takes to connect with and impact young people are exactly the qualities I do not possess.
Where we live, there is no such thing as church programming. And there are no youth pastors. The international school serves as a sort of locus of youth gathering, with a smattering of teachers (depending on the year) who are willing to invest in the student’s lives outside of class. A few years ago, some burdened parents started a group that met in their home—eating dinner, learning about the Way, and playing lots of games. This year those parents moved away, and Josh and I offered to host the group. We became (unbelievably) youth leaders.
It’s funny how incapable you can feel at the things you sign up for. Six kids? I never even liked babysitting. Living in China? I have always detested smoggy cities. Taking charge of a youth group? See first paragraph. Yet this is a lesson that seems to find its way into my life over and over again: those places to which you are not drawn, is where I am drawing you.
I don’t see it as a cruel maxim, or a form of trickery. Rather, in the sweetest of ways, the Lord continues to show me that his ways are not my own, and that surprising things happen when we follow his lead.
This week, as we launched the new school year with a meeting in our home—serving homemade pizza, looking at the story of Joseph, playing rounds of Bunko like a group of crazed monkeys—I found myself in the days leading up to it full of worry and nervousness. We don’t have what it takes, I kept thinking. And yet my burden for these kids also grew. It is their hearts that we’re after, and it is ultimately this that makes our lackluster abilities okay.
3 batches of pizza dough
I spent the week dwelling in the first couple chapters of 1 Corinthians. Weak vessels, called by God, this is the foundation for our youth ministry. Their hearts are what we’re after, and it is the Spirit of God who alone can do that work. The pressure in some ways, is off. It is not an excuse for doing things poorly (we still made pizza, brainstormed a fun game, and Josh delivered an engaging talk) but it reminded me over and over again as I sat in the words of Scripture, that it is not our gifts or abilities that God needs, but our obedience and our trust. He is always the one who does the life-changing work.
Leading a youth group is just the tip of the iceberg. Quite honestly, there is a whole host of things on our plate that we feel more than inadequate to handle. Sometimes I think it must would be nice to say, “we are nailing it,” or, “things are going amazing!” I imagine places where God-at-work looks like confident people walking around with armloads of ability, their obstacles wilting around them like fallen giants under the sheer force of God’s powerful plans.
Yet, God keeps leading us through these waters where we see weakness all around, feel our arms flabby and our legs limping. In this other place, where weakness reigns instead of great displays of power and strength, I’m learning to trust— to trust in the upside down ways of Jesus spelled out in the Beattitudes all those years ago by a less-than-likely-looking-Savior on a hillside filled with those who were less than likely-to-get-the-message. But many of them did get the message, passing it right down through the sweep of history written in day to day moments of trust and obedience. It finds me here. It finds you here: that perhaps it is the incapable who get to glimpse the glory of God. May we be weak enough not to miss it.
Thanks for reading,
Christine
I miss you all so much! Wish I were there to help out with youth group. :)
"May we be weak enough not to miss it." This is my prayer! Thanks for sharing friend!