It's Just a Graduation

on the surface it's a big moment, but it's everything behind it that gets me

Last week I watched my son walk across the stage in his blue robe to receive a large engulfing hug from his dad along with his high school diploma. I listened to wonderful speeches from his fellow classmates, and felt all the joy and relief of this milestone in their lives. Mostly, I watched my boy, sitting silent but attentive in the front row, unable to keep myself from reflecting on all that has led up to and fed into this moment. He grabbed at the curls that fall over his forehead, twisting them absentmindedly as he often does, and I meandered into the small streams and tributaries of his life, traveling them like waterways that lead ever so slowly and quietly until they gather into one great rushing moment. This moment isn’t the end, and it isn’t everything. But it is a turning point. And I can’t help but look back even as we look ahead to all that comes next for him.

Ari means "lion" or "brave." If you know him, his personality is not exactly lion-ish. His bravery is a quieter sort.

When we decided to move back to the USA, Ari was in the middle of his junior year, having just studied all summer to raise his SAT score over 100 pts. He served in Student Council every year and as a class rep. He had taken multiple AP courses and was poised to complete the AP Capstone his senior year. He loved his basketball team. He was faithful and loyal and his friends loved him. Moving back for his senior year didn't make a lot of sense. Of all our kids, he was the one it would hurt the most.

From the beginning, we shared and talked with him about the decision. He was against it at first. But as we talked and prayed, he began to soften and by the time we made the decision he was on board, though with plenty of reservations. When we arrived in Springfield last summer, he jumped in and put himself out there, though still in his own quiet way. We could almost feel the amount of energy it was taking for him to bravely become a part of a new class, a new school environment, a new soccer and basketball team, and never with any evidence of a chip on his shoulder or any resentment over what he had to give up.

In a sense, what he gave up are just surface things: the ability to join NHS, or be involved in the student council, hanging back in the wings instead of asserting himself as a leader on the team, not wanting to step on toes as the "new guy".

It was hard to watch him lose some of the academic motivation he had been surrounded by and had avidly taken part in for so many years, but at the same time we understood it. He was dealing with a lot, and something was bound to give. Still, it was hard not to think things like, "If we had waited a year, this wouldn't have happened." What a gift then, what a grace that he kept his head up enough to pursue the ROTC scholarship, and that his reception of it was based on the merit he had already accumulated.

I say all that to say, my heart just bursts for him, because he did give up a lot, and yet I don't think he thinks of it that way. It's probably more me than him. And I burst for him because of all that work he has done that ISN'T surface stuff. The inner work that receives no glory or reward, at least in the eyes of men.

Ari's friend, Eric came to our school as an international student this year. He gave a speech at the graduation, telling his story of coming to PVCA and the things that had impressed and influenced him. At the end of his talk, he shared how he had asked Ari before they left China, "Why are your parents moving back to America for your senior year?" And Ari had said, "Because God told them to." Eric said at the time Ari’s answer didn’t make any sense to him. He didn’t understand it. But now, he said, he does. He sees God's hand in bringing him to this place and this school.

Later, I told Ari he could have said something different, something more like "I don't know" in response to Eric's question. But he didn't, and Eric’s testimony also in a way belongs to him. And though I don't know all the reasons why, nor are all the parts of the story tied neatly into a bow, I do look back and see God's faithfulness to these boys. And I think they are beginning to see it too.