Sometimes, we get it wrong.
I remember a time someone I know had messed up badly. They had lost it, said the wrong thing, acted in the wrong way. Apologies didn’t heal the situation. Praying didn’t lighten the load. I remember this person saying, “I feel like I just need to be forgiven.”
I have often wondered if there isn’t a necessary piece to confession that we miss out on in our low church circles, e.g. the physical act of confessing to a priest or pastor—to have a tangible presence, a voice, the weight of a hand placed on your head, absolving you, covering you.
Maybe Jesus meant for us to be more like his hands and feet than we realize.
Recently, I had one of these days myself, when I knew I was wrong, and nothing could shake the burden I felt. I wrote this prayer, and then yesterday sent it to another person who was in the same boat, and I offer it to you today. Maybe you, too need that hand on your head, or to offer it to someone else.
A Prayer for Those Who Responded Wrongly
O Lord, I see now, too late, that I was in the wrong.
I see, with clear and bittersweet hindsight that I was blinded by my self-importance, sense of superiority, desire to put another in their place, to fight for a truth that now seems—lost, unimportant.
I am ashamed when I think of how I acted, how differently you modeled this for me, and how even as I “asked for wisdom,” I missed it. I ran headlong in my fury, and did not hear your gentle voice.
You once said to a woman: neither do I condemn you. Now go, and sin no more. I see now how gracious you were. More of grace than judgment. More open hands than a fist.
I am haunted by my failure. How can I ask for mercy when I gave none? Yet here I stand, in a long line of the undeserving, of those who have no right.
I confess, I repent, but I still feel the burden of my actions.
Help me to crawl out of this place I sit. To stand up again, to move towards people again, to remain humbled by this memory, but never out of your reach, nor beyond the touch of your hands.
My heart and my soul feels this post; for myself and for those I love who have and are struggling to accept forgiveness.
Thanks for this prayer, wise friend.